Life Lessons from a Toothbrush

So, I was going to share with you the new awesome nickname which I have dubbed the husband, so I could stop referring to him as "the husband." But I'm waiting on that because of a dentist visit this morning.

I grew up going to the same dentist from the age of 3 to the age of 21. I went every six months to have my teeth cleaned and checked. And filled in (damn those cavities).Then I moved to Nebraska and was insurance-less. So, no dentist for Miss. Nicole. During Spring Break though, this awesome email landed in my inbox. It said something to the effect of:

"DID YOU KNOW YOU GET TWO FREE CLEANINGS A YEAR?! COME AND GET YOUR TEETH CLEANED!! YAY TEETH!" 

Credit

I was sold, because I'm that weird kid who *loved* going to the dentist and promptly made my appointment.

I happily talked about my teeth and had x-rays taken. I forgot about my nose stud so there's this awesome weird looking line on my big x-ray now, which is superfluous information (I just wanted to use that word).  And then my dental hygienist (I have so much respect for these people) stuck her hand in my mouth and started cleaning and poking my gums.

Verdict was that I have some slight gingivitis which can happily be cured by regular cleanings (yay!) and more flossing (always).  There's some "decay" (ahem, I blame chocolate) that the dentist believed is just stable and will be watched. I just need to use a special toothpaste. Further, I currently have all of my wisdom teeth and it's recommended that they be removed.

But, the last thing, which was odd, is that I have been diagnosed as an aggressive teeth-brusher. This means that I have literally brushed the gums off of some of my teeth which has left the root exposed. The cure? Be more gentle with my teeth. The gum won't grow back, but I can contain some of the damage.

Now, this was slightly ironic for me. The word which I chose for me this year is gentle.

I haven't really talked about this here, but I picked gentle because I wanted to remind myself that I'm slowly growing. And gentleness is key with me.

I have to be gentle with my thoughts, my actions, the way I speak, the way I move, just the way I am. I have to be kind and tender with myself. I have to be good with good enough and perfectly okay. Or, I'm going to get nowhere.

So, it was amusing, and frustrating, to hear that not only had I been to abrasive and aggressive with myself in my life, I have even been abrasive and aggressive with my teeth. But, it's okay. I can take care of that, by being gentle.

Clearly, gentle is a good word for me. And probably a good word for all of us.


P.S: That necklace up there, that's made by SoShe on Etsy. And you should go buy it. Right now.

Messy Hospitality

Something which I struggle with is hospitality.

Not necessarily being hospitable. I have that pretty much down to the T.

But, rather thinking that my house has to be in perfect order with candles and smell good stuff and wine and dinner ready whenever someone wants to come by.

If you can't guess, this can be a bit stressful.

Tonight, though, I had a friend who I randomly texted and asked to come over for dinner and wine. I had four bottles of wine and wanted someone to drink them with. And the husband had to cook food anyway, so why not?

I assumed we'd have about 20 minutes, so I could quickly scramble around and get the house put back together since I totally didn't do that this afternoon.

However, about 5 minutes after we walked through the door (Sparkle Bus [the husband's bike] had a flat tire, so our ride was cut short) my dear friend called me and asked where exactly we lived because she was here.

Oh crap. Nothing was ready other than the shoes being stored.

As she walked in the door, I immediately started apologizing for the messiness. And then, something clicked. Yes, my house was messy, but it's messy because I freaking live here. I have a husband, and a cat, I'm working on my Ph.D., my husband works 50 hour weeks... we live here. So why should I apologize for an impromptu dinner?

So, I apologized one last time. And, we chatted, drank two bottles of wine, and ate a lovely dinner.

And the world didn't tumble and crash because my house was real. 

Because my house showed that two fantastic human beings live here with lives and love.

I'm by no means cured of this craziness. But, I do feel better with one non-world-crashing-messy-dinner under my belt.

Readers are Hot

I'm in love with this currently, and after spending the evening with a friend talking about books, I felt like I needed to share it: 

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilightseries.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

--Rosemary Urquico

I Could Kiss You, Texas Reps!

Oh. Hello. 

I've missed you dearly. 

Since you last saw me, I have:

Study my brains out for Comps.

Took said Comps

Finished my Photography class

Read a book for a book club

Saw The Vagina Monologues

Partied with a Professor

Spent 7 hours writing

Continued being a wife and daughter and friend (kind of)

Paid bills

and packed for our trip to watch my best friend get married on Friday.

But, that's not what I want to talk about today. 

I want to talk about Texas, and specifically, how bad ass some of the Representatives are.

There's always a slew of Anti-Choice legislation which comes into play during the legislation season. I mean, it's just part of it. And, Texas was no different. The newest one (which really isn't so new) is that a woman who wants an abortion would have to view a sonogram and then wait one day before having the procedure. Currently, you have to wait at least one day after making an appointment. So, now, let's make you come into the clinic (you know, since they are so convenient for everyone), force you to see the fetus and then send you on your merry way to make sure you want to follow through with this decision. As if making the appointment in the first place wasn't difficult enough. 

This bill will pass. Without a shadow of a doubt, this bill will pass. But, not without some fight. 

Three legislators added some fantastic amendments. All have been tabled, but whatever. They are...

drum roll...

One that would require the state to pay the child’s college tuition if the woman decides not to have an abortion, one that would require the state to cover the child’s health care till they were 18, and when that failed one that wold require the state to pay for health care till the child was 6. -State Representative Harold Dutton of Houston

 ...require clinics that provide abortions to also provide medically accurate information about contraception. - State Representative Joaquin Castro of San Antonio

 ...let the pregnant woman force the father to have a vasectomy.- State Representative Marisa Marquez of El Paso

I could kiss them. Each of them.

Especially Dutton. He gave a statement that said, 

“We want to see all these children around, but the state of Texas ends its obligation to that child when it’s born,” he said. “We want it born, but we don’t want to do our duty.”

 Amen. 

And Castro? Well, you know, clinics already do that. That's actually the main function. So, letting that amendment stand would do change nothing. Yet we table it anyway.

Marquez: Exactly. This is so absurd that we would never consider it. And yet, Anti-Choicers do this. They force their beliefs on my body. 

Okay, reigning it in. These three people are amazing. Truly. Even though none of this would go through, they are fighting, and I am in love. If you’d like to thank these three legislators you can contact Rep. Dutton here, Rep. Castro here, and Rep. Marquez here. 

I know I will.

first heard about through feministing

What made you smile today?

I have a friend, named Hannah. She's pretty rad. And, on like the second day I met her, she said, "What made you smile today?"

That little statement just blew me away. And I think of it all the time.

On Friday, I asked my facebook family what had made them smile. Some of the responses:
Snow days
Snuggling in my dad's snuggie -- he passed away in April
Children hugging and laughing
Balloons in the air
A friend's dog running through the snow
A fantastic night
Wearing sweats to the bar
A UT football recruit, when asked why he chose Texas, replying with, "Because it's Texas!"
Chuy's
Partners making fun of you when sick
Fluffy cream filled long john donuts
and an amazing story about a Parkinson's Patient

The stories just melted my heart (you know, because it's so frozen) and me happy. 

So, tonight. I would like for you to think about what made you smile today.


For me? It was my husband bringing me an amazing lunch.

How about you?

Badges

Badges are something in the blog world which are really cool.

I like looking at the badges which people put up and seeing where they go and what people believe and think. I've refrained, though, from placing badges on my blog because I didn't want to overwhelm you guys with things that I love or believe in. But, I've decided to put a couple up. And here's why. (Click on the badge here on the side to learn more about each movement! It's worth your time, I promise!)

First, I have Read the Printed Word. When I blogged about our wedding, I put this on my sidebar because I truly believe in it. There's something refreshing about opening a book or newspaper or magazine and reading. Something which can never be accomplished with a nook or kindle or iPad.

 
Next up, we have The Small is Beautiful badge. I struggle with blogging because I love it and I want other people to love it too, and I especially want other people to love what I write. Or, have some reaction to what I write. It can be difficult to blog when you don't know if people are reading it, or care about it, or... anything. While struggling with this, I was looking through others' blogs, one day and ran across this, and fell in love.


And then there's Brené Brown. If you've been paying even halfway attention to my blog, you know that Brené Brown is kind of like my celebrity researcher. Or is, whatever. She has beautiful ideas and seems to be an incredible woman.

One idea that I am truly in love with is free-range social media. This is defined by no cages, no copying, and no cruelty in social media, and it's something that I can get behind.


And finally, there's living wholeheartedly and authentically, which I am working on with my whole heart. Because of situations beyond my control, I hide my true self from people. I worry about what they will think rather than trusting that I am enough because I am me. And this year, I am making steps to believe that.

Gremlins

I had a beautiful post that I wanted to put up today about being more gentle with myself and more authentic with others.

But, it my flu state, it felt far to vulnerable to share.

Instead, I wanted to show you this incredible comic I ran across tonight.

Found at Kafka's Koffee

Enough said.

Back to School with a Resounding Thought

I stepped foot on campus again today. Well, I had class yesterday, but today I went into my building.

It's been a month since I was in my office.

And, as I was talking to our clinic assistant, faculty members, some classmates, and the secretary for my department, I had one resounding thought:

"I am so lucky"

It hit me as I was bouncing up the stairs from the clinic to my classroom. I had this huge smile on my face, I could just imagine what I looked like if I were to step in front of mirror. But I didn't care. I am so lucky because I love what I do. And, I see a lot of people and know a lot of people, who don't love what they do.

But me? I honest-to-God love it. I love my classes, even when they are terrible. I love my clients, and how they force me to think outside of the box and expand myself. I love my fellow students and the relationships that I have formed with them. I adore my professors. I may not adore them all the time, but I can appreciate how they force me to be a better clinician, researcher, and teacher. And the staff. Oh, but, I love the staff. They make my life unbelievably easy and have so much knowledge.

I am doing what I was made to do. I really am. I am in the exact program at the right time. I am going to get to do what I love for the rest of my life.

I have worked my ass off to get to this point and it has been totally worth it.

I really am lucky.

Crimbo

Isn't that a fun name? Shutter Sisters named this week between Christmas and New Year's that. I'm not that creative.

Anyhow, hello end of Crimbo!

I've missed blogging. I'm really impressed by people who kept it up during the holiday; I just couldn't write with my parents here.  I missed them too much. In fact, I only pulled out my laptop twice while they were here, and the husband never pulled his out. That is really impressive for us.

Anyway, this is not a post about my missing of blogging (though I did).  This post is about how I love this week in between because it gives me a chance to think. I've been out of school long enough to not be thinking about that business and far enough from starting up the spring semester to not be worrying.  So, I get to think. And, of course, I think about the previous year.

It's been a pretty good year. Especially these last few months.  So many things just came together for me beginning in September. I busted my ass over the summer putting in 50-60 hour weeks working since we were recovering from both being unemployed and moving across country and yadda yadda.

The husband found a job he adores.
I finally started feeling like I was making it in the program and loving seeing clients.
The course load was ridiculous (I was clearly feeling spunky when I decided to do 11 hours), but I was enchanted by it.
We made it through some tough spots in our baby marriage. 

And, because we actually had an income (ahem, I wasn't worrying about electricity, rent, food, etc.), I was able to start taking care of myself. And by that, I started doing things which made me feel happy.
 

I started slowing down.
I started writing.
I started taking photos.
I started learning about typography.
I started dancing more.
I started reading again.
I started teaching.
I started meditating.  


This year, I've felt whole. I've felt better. I've felt loved and appreciated. It's been a good year.

I don't do resolutions. I just don't; they never end up well. But, I want to focus on my connections, on being creative, on living life, on my spirit. I want to get my health in check and exercise. I want to stop eating out and cook more. I want my husband to teach me stuff.  More than anything, I want to go into 2011 intentionally. 

How do y'all do things intentionally?

#reverb10 -- day 16

Oooh! I'm doing another one! In order! I'm patting myself on the back.

When this reverb hit my inbox, I felt like I had to write about it, because there's a lot to talk about.  Also because in the author photo, the necklace she is wearing is one of the husbands tattoo's, and who could pass that up? It's meant to be.

December 16 – Friendship
How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?
(Author: Martha Mihalick)

This year, I have been amazed at the friendships which are slowly opening to me.  I feel like I still have a lot of acquaintances, but I am definitely opening myself to friends, which I have not done in ages. I also came to peace with two friendships which ended, and that changed me to. 

Those two, which ended for good this year were painful. Super painful. They both meant a lot to me, and I lost them both throughout the wedding planning process and that loss was solidified this year. But without that pain, I don't know if I would have opened myself to others who are so beautiful.

Who have infectious spirits and laughs and humor. d

How have the friendships of these people changed me? I've learned to trust. I've learned to be authentic. I'm still not 100% open, because it's scary and I worry about friendships ending, but I'm working on that business. I've learned that I love these people for what they've taught me and for what they will and for how they've all supported me, even if they didn't know it.  I'm grateful for all of them, even the ones which have hurt me because those are just growing pains. 

And, because I like pictures:

 

This isn't everyone. There are many of whom I don't have pictures of.
So, for everyone who has been a friend to me this year, thank you.

When We Stop Counting

I'm not supposed to be blogging, I know. Stupid Finals.

But! I had to share this and since I don't have access to facebook, here we go.

Last night, I was at a screening for the documentary, When We Stop Counting, which follows 6 highschoolers in Crete Nebraska.



It was beautiful.

Whatever you believe on immigration reform, this was powerful. It was these kids stories. It humanized the debate. It talked about the fact that immigration isn't always dangerous or bad.

But mostly, it's about a community which embraced the immigrants coming in and helped them to make a better life, rather than pushing them back.

Immigration is inevitable. It happens. It has always happened. It will always happen. What I hate, though, is the negativeness surrounding immigration, because it doesn't have to be negative.

Sadly, you can't watch it. Not because I don't want you to, (oh I do!) but because it's currently just local. They're raising money to hopefully send off to PBS to be aired though, so maybe you can see it one day, interwebs.

Okay. Back to my finals.

Interview with the Directors

Thanksgiving v.2010

Happy Thanksgiving from the husband and I to you!

I have lots of wonderful and obnoxious and humouros stories from our anniversary and Thanksgiving, just for you.  You'll like them, I promise.

For now, here is what I am thankful for:
-a husband who is willing to cook delicious pies and food and let me be the official taste-tester and the storyteller
-the ability to travel
-friends abroad and at home
-being a husker and a bearkat
-exploring new cities
-working on my ph.d.
-the excitement of putting up christmas decoration in t-minus 5 days
-family coming up for the holidays
-getting a new camera on black friday! no more black dots!
-health, money, and life

Happy Thanksgiving, dear internets! I know you wish you had this pie in your tummy, mainly because I do.

a thank you today and everyday

And, on the flip side of that, I'm going to post this:



Thank you. Whoever you are, wherever you serve, thank you.

DADT and Veterans Day

Proud to Serve from Jo Ann Santangelo on Vimeo.

A powerful video.

We'll just ignore for a moment that we are referring to humans, who help protect our country. Apparently, the Government Accountability Office found in 2005 that the cost of discharging and replacing service members fired because of sexual orientation totaled at least $190.5 million. That monetary point should be enough to repeal DADT.

I'm clearly not a fan (at all) of DADT, but I think it's a shame that people have to hide who they are in order to serve their country. Especially at a time when we *need* service men and women.

Why is this a good idea? Please, tell me.

Creativity

Something that I have struggled with recently is creativity.  I have my hands in so many pots of ideas... well, not so much my hands as my brain. So, I posted a question on facebook asking what people their creative outlets were, and some awesome responses came back:

Writing, guitar, conversation, inventing, scrapbooking, sewing, belly dancing, cooking, baking, piano lessons, meeting new people, drawing... the list goes on.

I want to do a whole bunch of different things as a way to feel more creative, and as a way to take care of myself.

I want to paint. I want to write. I want to relearn the piano. I want to sing. I want to read. I want to dance. I want to garden I want to take photographs. I want to decorate. I want to learn typography. I want to build. I want to bake. I want to learn French. I want to learn composting.

I want to, I want to, I want to.

What I have been doing is my 365 Project which I've been using facebook to chronicle. But that ends on 11/22, after husband and I have been married for 1 year. Now, I need to figure out what I want to do with myself as an outlet, because I need something.

What do you do?

Living our Values

 

I bought a book recently, called "Meditation for Therapists and Their Clients." It's a fantastic book, actually. So many wonderful things in there.

But I bought it at Voldemort.

Mm hmm. If you hover over that link, you'll see where I had to go to purchase this book.  I have not shopped there in over 2 years.  Since moving to Lincoln, I basically shop for books only at Indigo; if they don't have the book I'm looking for, well, they can just order it for me.  So, why didn't I do that? Well, I needed the book on Saturday and Indigo does not carry it. 

I felt dirty shopping at Voldemort, by the way.  I looked on their website at first and it just felt wrong. So, so wrong.

But, I had too. I couldn't wait for this book and the local stores didn't have it.  It's like shopping at Target for shoes -- I don't really want to {ahem, shop there, I do want the shoes}, but there isn't anywhere local to shop.  And if I do find somewhere local, or somewhere that does awesome things {Toms!}, I can't afford it.

And that's where my values and my wallet collide.  Or my values and my body collide. 

Most often, I can do it.  I can spend the extra money to shop at a local grocery over Wal Mart, because it's just better.  But sometimes, I can't.  I sometimes I have to go to Wal Mart for razors because razors at our grocery are $35 but the same at Wal Mart are $18. Or, I have to go to Voldemort because my favorite bookstore doesn't have the room nor the income to store books that don't move very fast.  Or, I want to ride my bike everywhere, I do.  But it's cold, and it hurts, and I'm normally running behind so let's get in the car and go! And it sucks. Straight up, but I don't know what to do about it.

How do you live out your values?