Surprise! Comps.

Credit

Yesterday I got a surprise. 

And not really one that I wanted. I figured out (found out) that I have to take comps on March 4th if I want my Masters to be able to be considered to teach next year.

Yikes. I mean, big yikes. The hyperventilating-panic inducing-chest pain-yikes.

See,  I knew comps were around the corner. But, I planned on taking them in June. However, when I went to check on dates, I saw that the June comps are during the time we will be in Texas for my brother-in-law's graduation. Exciting? Yes. A pain in my plans? Yes, too. 

For those who aren't sure, comps (at the Masters level) is a test which will determine if I can graduate or not. If I have enough knowledge to be eligible. I've decided to take three: The Counseling, The Cognition, and The Basic Statistics. 

But, I'm still hyperventilating, panicking, and all around freaked out. 

And while I'm doing this, I have people from my program and others who reached out and helped me calm down, told me I could do this, and offered their knowledge, kind words, and hugs. 

And that's when I'm reminded how amazing this program is, how wonderful the people who are here are, and how lucky I am. 

Being in a graduate program can be isolating. Not a lot of people really get what it takes to be here or how much work there is or how much a person can sacrifice to make it happen. 

And, there's not a lot of balance afforded. If I want to do things outside of this program, then I have to let go of some things in the program. If I want to do something inside of the program, I have to let go of some thing outside of it. Not to mention the faults which programs have. 

And this program isn't different. Balance feels unattainable, I put pressure on myself to be perfect, I don't have a lot of friends outside of the program, and it has its faults. 

But the support here? That's incredible. The fact that people step forward and say, "Breathe. I have this book, and this book, and this book. I'll help you find what you need." That's beautiful. 

And everyday, I try to count my blessings to be here.

Besides, now all of this:

will pay off.