Art Night

It's Tuesday night.

In our household, that means Art night. We roll up our carpet and sit on the floor. I pull out a sketch pad, or my Chinese paints, or anything else. The mister pulls out the stuff he's working on, and we just let ourselves be creative. The cat might join us or not. We put records on and pull out wine or beer, or $1 sodas from McDonald's.

The mister and I both want to be creative. 

Both of us never felt like we were creative. Never felt like artists. My parents always, always kept my art projects, but I  never felt like they were good enough. And after, one day, having my stuff laughed at, I stopped being creative (don't we all have a story like this?) The mister has a younger brother who is an incredible artist. He's amazing. And because of his amazing-ness, the mister always felt like he couldn't compare, and so he stopped doodling. 

A couple of weeks ago, we decided screw it and chose Tuesday nights to let our creative juices flow. 

So, on Tuesdays, if you needs us, that's where we'll be. On the floor being creative. And not judging each other on our creativity.

The Mighty Husband

Tonight, I ended sessions with two of my clients. One who I had been seeing for 21 weeks and the other I had been seeing for 19 weeks. This was cause for sadness and some tears. There's also happiness because I know there will be great things for these folks. However, the sadness was definitely palpable.

So, my husband, who is awesome, brought me a (half priced!) banana split.

Proof:

So, here's to you husband. You are awesome and loved. 

And appreciated.

Happy Birthday Mister

See this handsome guy? 

That's my husband. 

He's this awesome guy who has great taste in beer, as well as beer morals. 

He sings and dances while doing dishes. 

The first thing he wants to do, after we've been apart all day, is pull me into a bear hug. 

He cleans the bathroom, and I normally only have to ask him once. 

He humors me with my crazy home improvement/craft ideas. (e.g., I sent him a text this morning which read: "I want to pull the cabinets out above the sink so that we can hang a dish rack. The hardest part would be removing tile."

He moved to Nebraska so that I could get my Ph.D. 

He is the best kisser. 

He taught me to eat my vegetables.

He can create a mean stir fry. 

And today is his birthday.

I love you husband! I am so proud to be your wife. Thank you for being so fantastic.

Renting Convert

For a while, I wanted to own a home. I wanted to buy house so that the husband and I would have something which was ours. When we paid our monthly payment, it wasn't just going to a company. Nor would it feel like we were throwing money out because we would be paying a mortgage, which would mean that in the end we would own something rather than not keeping anything. It's kind of like the difference between leasing a car and buying a car - with one you own it and with the other you have to give it back.

The other reason I wanted to own a home was because I would be allowed to do things to said home and no one could tell me otherwise. I could paint, I could garden, I could put as many holes in the walls as I wanted because it was my own. I could try different things over and over because it's mine and I don't have to get clearance with a landlord.

I also want to say that I hate corporate apartments. They feel sterile. You can't add color and I've found that they are difficult to make them feel homey. No matter how many lamps I bought, I've never felt comfortable in a corporate owned place.

Last year, when we knew we had to find somewhere else to live otherwise we would be homeless, we started hunting Craigslist. That's where apartments are listed here, especially ones downtown. I wanted to find a house to rent, because by God, if I couldn't buy one we would rent one.

The one I wanted fell through. We could never get a hold of the company to show it to us and then it was rented. The next place we looked at I fell in love with. It was teeny apartment, maybe 500sqft, but it had a sense of home and a sense of community. The guy who managed the apartments lived on site and he was just awesome. You could tell he loved his tenants and he cared about the place. He would also allow you to paint and do whatever you wanted. Plus cable was free.

The husband wasn't a fan. It was a very small apartment with an unbelievably small kitchen. It had a mini-stove, and the husband was not going for it. We turned him down. Finally, we decided to contact this place that only ever listed studios hoping we would find something we liked.

The first apartment we saw in this complex was a gorgeous one bedroom, third floor walk up. It had a claw foot tub, stained glass windows, a beautiful murphy bed, a dressing area and best of all a farm sink.

The husband didn't like it.

The next apartment we looked at about a month later was a one bedroom under construction. The only redeeming quality it had was a gigantic kitchen with two sinks and built in booth seating. The husband didn't like that one either. That was okay because I wasn't sold either. As we were leaving, the owner said, "Well, I have another apartment that just opened up. It's a two bedroom first floor. The people who lived there before really didn't take care of it..." We thought, what the hell, and walked with her to go look at it.

Today, I paid month 12 of our rent and we're getting ready to sign a two year lease.

12 months later, I have made that apartment home. We've painted, and hung pictures, wine holders, hooks, and curtains. We've bought a dining room set, found a papasan chair, and built shelves. We've downsized and have learned to cook meals for 10+ people in a galley kitchen. We hung plastic to keep the cold out and used Window ACs to cool us down.

And this weekend, we're going to work on the coolest part yet. We're going to put in a garden.

I can't wait to show y'all.

Friends who Wed

At this time last week, I was getting ready to take pictures with Lindsey who is one of my nearest and dearest friends. We've known each other for 10ish years now, and she's one of those people who has just always had my back. She's always just accepted me for whatever I was and am with no questions asked. She has just loved me. And I am forever grateful for that.

But! On March 11th, she married her best friend Bryce. Basically, I just want to show you pictures and talk about it, because I can.

Lindsey gifted each of her bridesmaids hair dos from a salon, which was awesome. It meant that we didn't have to do it ourselves, which I totally appreciated. My hair is at an awkward length and I don't know what the heck to do with it, so I was grateful.

Lindsey did a gorgeous updo with lots of curls and a ponytail thing. Her hair is baby fine thin hair -- it's gorgeous but requires liquid cement and bobby pins to keep it up. But, it stayed which is what matters.

 

We had a constant stream of food which was also awesome. However, while I was putting on Lindsey's nails, I wouldn't let her eat. So, the Maid of Honor (Jessica) stepped up and did her duty of feeding the bride. Someone had to do it.

Lindsey also used Cinderella as a way to hang out and wait while I did Jessica's make-up. We were sequestered to this back room and there wasn't a whole lot to do. But singing mice seems to handle her nerves (which were already pretty non-existent).

 

After I finished all of our make up, it was time for Lindsey to put on her gorgeous white dress. There was some whining about cold hands and a hug in the middle, but we got it on. And then I got to put her veil in her hair which was so cool. And she looked gorgeous. 

Then it was time for the posed professional photos. Lindsey and Bryce opted to not do a First Look, so there was a lot of wheedling to keep them from seeing each other. Thanks to a really, really intense and scary wedding coordinator, there was absolutely no chance of that happening. 

And then it was 7pm and it was time for Lindsey to marry her love. The night before, I about lost it when I watched her rehearsing. I mean, really. And I was no better when we were standing waiting outside. I saw her dad, who I have always called Mr. Smith, waiting to walk his daughter down the aisle and I thought, "Oh my God.... I don't know if I can not cry during this..."

And I barely did it. He walked her down the aisle and put her hand in Bryce's and it was beautiful. And I was so, so happy for her.

The next moment where I was about positive that I would lose it was when they were wrapped in a quilt. See, I made that quilt. And the husband and I did a quilt wrapping in our wedding ceremony. What is that saying, the best form of flattery is copying? Something like that. And that's totally how I felt. 

Everyone will be pleased to know that I didn't cry. My chin wobbled, but I wasn't that bawling bridesmaid, which is probably good.

After they got married, there was an awesome dessert reception with ice cream sundaes, delicious juices, fruit and cheese. It was tasty and fun. And then of course there were awesome wedding cakes. Lindsey surprised Bryce with an Xbox 360 Cake and she had a beautiful star cake that a friend made for her. 

 

It was all so very beautiful and I feel so lucky to have been a part of it. 

I wish Bryce and Lindsey nothing but all the happiness in the world.

Oreo Love

Credit

Husband: I love mini Oreos! 

Me: Why?

Husband: because a serving size is nine Oreos rather than four!

The Toilet Paper Conundrum

If you think, just by looking at the title, that this might be a bit too much information for you, please enjoy this video of kittens.

One of the amazing things about being married is the kind of arguments which happen. I don't really think this is partial only to marriage; we all fight about random things in any relationship that we enter. That's just part of the contract we sign when we have friends, partners, kids, and family.

Anyway, I'm prone to argue with only certain people (this is a vulnerability thing) and one is my husband.

And our most typical argument (ahem, disagreement) centers around toilet paper.

Yup, toilet paper.

We've been disagreeing about toilet paper since the early points of our relationship. Back then, it was mainly who was going to purchase the toilet paper, since we were still far too caught up in the haze and romantics of being in a new relationship (I typically purchased, FYI).

We've also disagreed about when to purchase toilet paper (um... does anyone actually buy a new pack before they use the last roll? If you do, kudos) Also, which direction said paper should be going.

But, now, it's what type of toilet paper to purchase. And, really, have you looked at all the options? I mean, it's kind of terrifying walking down that aisle and having to select something.

For me, I want something strong that will make sure all is clean and happy. The husband, while agreeing with this, also wants something soft. Remember those commercials with the toilet paper turning to fluff when tossed? That's what the husband prefers.

This has lead to some disagreements in our house, clearly. And we've never been able to find something which made us both happy.

Until last night.

We were out of toilet paper. We walked, hesitantly, down the toilet paper aisle worrying about what to purchase. This really shouldn't be this difficult, you know.We long ago decided that Charmin was the best option, so we usually just bounce to that, grab the first thing, and then check out, imagining that the choice will just surprise us when we get home. It's a pretty legitimate tactic.

But last night, we saw Charmin sensitive and thought, why the hell not.

And, it's lovely. It's kind of the best of both worlds. And they'll probably discontinue it just because it has caused a truce in our house.

C'est la vie.

Happy Monday my friends, and I do mean that.

P.S. If you thought this post was awkward, enjoy this video!

Warm Fuzzies While Sick

The husband and I are sick. The kind that makes you want to do nothing but lie in bed or on the couch until the illness will just give up on you.

The husband decided to share his cold with me, and while I appreciate, I would have been okay with him not giving it to me. I'm achy and whiny and cranky and sleepy and coughy and blah. Needless to say, I'm not exactly pleasant to be around currently. On the brightside for my friends, I can't talk so all the whiny is with hand motions.

I'm also currently trying to file our taxes. Whoop! Isn't this a good night?

There is one silver lining though. While searching for tax stuffs, I found a piece of paper on which the husband had drawn a mock up of a website for me. And it totally warmed my heart. It's funny how little things like that can make me smile and dissipate the headache and coughing for a moment while I remember exactly why I married him.

Hope you all are healthy and happy

Christmas & Dishes

I'm sitting at my dining room table currently, slighty distracted by the mess which is our home.

It's a lived in mess, but it's a mess none-the-less.

Taking down the sewing stuff helped tons, but the buffet still has the remnants of Christmas dishes (yes, I have them) on it.

In the corner where our tree was, stands the boxes ready to be packed into our storage unit in the basement.

The kitchen has clean dishes in the drying rack and dishes ready to be washed in the sink.  Our dining table has decorations for the windows sitting on it, along with books that we received today as gifts.

It's a mess, but it's home.

I'm not perfect by any means. Actually, I walked into the apartment from a coffee date this afternoon and was fairly perturbed that the husband was hanging out in his "gaming chair" playing video games and hadn't touched the few dishes out or the Christmas decorations, which he was supposed to do today.

But, I take a deep breath and I think, "Okay. That's okay."

It is and it isn't. I can tell you, dear internets, that the most common disagreement in our home is that my mister doesn't do his fair share, in my eyes.

He cooks amazing dinners, which means I don't have to. If it were me, I would probably eat grilled cheese, pimento on celery, and maybe a salad on occasion. Or Chipotle. However, for example, while creating* dinner last night, he used:

• three plastics bowls 
• two baking pans -- a pie pan and a baking sheet
• four knives 
• a cast iron pan
• two cutting boards.

Not to mention the silverware we used, the cups with water sporadically around the house, and the dishes we ate from.

So, I walk in and sigh and shrug him off when he comes to hug me because I'm frustrated.

And, when I'm honest, he totally gets the short end of that stick, whether it's frustration with him or with the world in general, and typically it's both. But, I don't really know how to fix it. I want a clean house. I want dishes put away and Christmas decorations out of sight, since we took them down over a week ago.

That's me.

And yet, I don't have time to do it.

But I'm tired of throwing the cutting words out. For example, when he was trying to pour out something in the sink so that I could wash it, I threw out: "If you wanted to do the dishes, you should have done them while I was gone."

Oh, that's lovely. And sure to keep our marriage stable and strong.

There is true feeling in those words.

I'm often met with a hurtful gaze and the words hang in the air, imaginary words like, "You should just tell me to do it." But, love, I did tell you. I asked you to. And it didn't get done. So, yes, I'm frustrated.

So, what's a girl to do?

*He really does create food. I promise.

How many days in a year?

Me: How many days are in a year? 365?

Husband: Ummm.

Me: or 364?

Husband: I dunno.

Together: *Google-ing* how many days in a year?

Google: 365.242199

Husband: 365.25

Me: .242 does not round up to .25.

Husband: Fine, 365 days.

Me: Where did 364 come from?

Husband: I don't know. Wrong. Just wrong.

Thanksgiving v.2010

Happy Thanksgiving from the husband and I to you!

I have lots of wonderful and obnoxious and humouros stories from our anniversary and Thanksgiving, just for you.  You'll like them, I promise.

For now, here is what I am thankful for:
-a husband who is willing to cook delicious pies and food and let me be the official taste-tester and the storyteller
-the ability to travel
-friends abroad and at home
-being a husker and a bearkat
-exploring new cities
-working on my ph.d.
-the excitement of putting up christmas decoration in t-minus 5 days
-family coming up for the holidays
-getting a new camera on black friday! no more black dots!
-health, money, and life

Happy Thanksgiving, dear internets! I know you wish you had this pie in your tummy, mainly because I do.

Being sick and Voting

My husband is so good. 

First he voted:

Which makes me super proud of him. We're both really civilly minded and so it makes me happy when he votes. Well, when anyone votes, no matter how you vote. It makes me happy. As our pastor put it on Sunday, "Some people risk their lives to stand in line and vote; you can stop at a polling place and do it without that risk. Why wouldn't you?"


Me? I'm not voting.

*gasp*

I know. I know. First, I'm not a Nebraskan citizen, so I can't vote here. And, I didn't feel right voting in Texas since I'm not there and those decisions are not going to immediately effect me. {yes, yes, I'm well aware that those decision can eventually effect me, don't make me feel worse} Also, I am not in the midst of the politics down there and being removed from it makes me too anxious to vote. So, I chose not to. And, I'm quite ashamed for it. That's how it rolls sometimes though.

But don't use me as an example. Go vote!

Next up --> my husband is good because this is what he said to me as we're leaving this morning:

I will come home and take care of you if you just call.

Seriously, how amazing is that? I woke up sick, and still feel awful. I rarely get sick, so it's icky when I do. I'm sitting at school currently because I had to come to a research meeting, but once this post goes live, I will be walking to my car and sitting on the couch for the rest of the day, being ill.

Have a fabulous day, dear internets!

Redoing the Bedroom {pt. 3}

See Part I here and Part II here.  

And now... the finished project.

Drum roll please...!

Redoing the Bedroom {pt. 2}

See Part I here and Part III here. 

When we last left our heroine, you were left thinking about the ickiness of our room. The yellow/white walls. The dirty, crampedness.

So, then we painted.

That chair took 20 minutes for the husband to move into the room. There was no way he was moving it out.

The husband and I have very different painting styles.

He had to paint the ceiling area. I'm far too short.

Isn't that a lot of blue tape?  And the bed made a fantastic staging area.

I bet you've never painted in heels before, huh? I think it just might catch on.... maybe.

I could add the finished product here... but I'm not. That's another long post. So! Come back Monday and see how it all turned out!

Annual Fall Tour

On Sunday, husband and I went on our annual fall colors tour. Normally (like last year) we drive around this lovely state and stare at the pretty colors. However, the request was placed to not drive and maybe go hiking or something to look at the colors.

Fine. Noted.





So, we headed out to a state park.





And, it was a lot of fun, I must admit.
We walked around the park for about 3 hours.
We found a clearing, laid out a blanket, and laid down for 30 minutes, talking.







We trespassed on BNSF property, where I promptly had my first ever photo by a train track taken.


Please enjoy our lovely photos.
Click to enlarge.
:)

Parties and Feeling Connected

I want to have a party.

A good, fun party. One with really good food, drinks, laughter, friends, and beautiful decorations.

With a fantastic tablecloth spread over the table and hanging lights.

Candles and pulling out the best wine glasses, just so you can feel special.

The kind where you sit around a table and tell stories and drink a beer or wine and just laugh with each other.

I haven't been to a party like that in ages.

Tomorrow is the official end of summer and beginning of fall. And I just don't think there is a better time to celebrate than that. Aren't those photos magical?

So I've put out the invitation to my local friends.

The only thing is: I don't know if people will show up. I also don't have decorations or really the time to create. I don't know what we would serve for food or where we would find drinks. I don't have a table or chairs to stick in the garden plot, nor do I have a way to hang decorations.

But I want this so bad. I want it because I feel incredibly disconnected from people right now. I feel overwhelmed with work and school, and I feel like I am not creating. I feel like I'm not doing a good enough job and I am having serious doubts about what I'm doing right now. So, I want this.

And I'm going to do it.

If it's just me and Chet, then we will have amazing hor d'oeuvres to eat and great wine and beer to drink. If people come, then it will just be that much better. I just need to keep that thought.

Baby Weight

Haha. I hope I just gave all 5 of my readers a little heart attack.

I've made the decision to lose 30-50 lbs before getting pregnant/adopting/fostering. The idea just kind of hit me last night. I want kids (phew, that's out there) and I want to be the healthiest I can be (without getting insane about it, which has been known to happen) before having babies. To me, it just seems it would be easier to maintain while raising kids then to start. So, that's been decided.

I have a bit to do it too. See, I've done research about academics and having kids etc. and it's basically agreed that if a woman would like to have kids, the best time to do it is while she's dissertating.

Which makes total since.

When I'm working on my dissertation, I get to make my own hours and I don't have classes. Or at least not 10 hours of demanding classes. So, that's 4 years away, minimum. Thus, I have time.

And, just so we're clear, as of 9/17/2010 I am NOT pregnant. :D

Familes and Marriage and Weddings, oh my.

Half the time when a mom is screaming, “But I don’t understand! The pink flowers are so much PRETTIER and also why are you doing the flowers yourself what a disaster and d*mn it I said we should go with this florist and I’d pay and I think this centerpiece idea is the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen and I said I liked the PINK flowers,” what she’s really saying is, “You’ve always been my daughter and our family has always been your first family, and now you’re getting married and you’re going to have your own family, and I’m excited for you and I love your fiance but I’m scared and this is hard. At least the flowers are a concrete thing to fight about.”

via Meg at A Practical Wedding*

I love that she wrote that out, because it's worded perfectly and it makes so much sense. And it's true, I think. At least it rings completely true for me.

Weddings are hard. And marriage is hard. But I think the hardest part is when a couple is creating their own family. I mean, you take two people who have their own set of ideals and beliefs and who were raised in different ways (no two families are ever going to raise kids the same, ever) and then merge them.

No wonder that's tough.

It's like in that movie, "The Story of Us" when Michelle Pfeiffer and Bruce Willis are talking with the therapist, and she describes how there are actually 6 people in your marriage bed: you and your spouse, your parents, and your spouses parents. I never realized how true that is until I got married.

And it's not to say it's bad. I wouldn't have wanted to marry someone who is exactly like me, with my experiences, and my family, and my understandings... that would just be boring (and possibly illegal). But it does complicate things. Which makes us human, and makes us *work*.

I'm just rambling really, but it's the best way I know to work out my thoughts.

*Yes, I still read this blog. It's the only wedding(ish) blog which survived my deleting of all things wedding related. Mainly because she's balanced and like talking to the best friend ever.

Love is and isn't

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."

-St. Augustine

I think that St. Augustine, as usual, is completely on the ball.

That doesn't make me wish that those fantastic, euphoric feelings of being "in love" weren't still applicable. Or that having those feelings means that my marriage is doomed*.

See a common thread which I am finding amongst my readings into healthy, long lasting, successful relationships is that relationships are serious. And I mean serious. I mean be on the same page about paying bills, schedule your date night, and talk about kids seriousness. Those all have their place, trust me. We really do need to be on the same page about paying bills, or it's just going to get bad.

But what about those giddy feelings? That, "is he going to kiss me?!" feeling. Or the, "Aww, he brought me home my favorite candy..." feeling. Those are fantastic, and I don't hear about it enough. Or how to cultivate it. Or how to keep it happening.

See, it's all about balance. There does need to be seriousness (again, I say bills). But there has got to be that fun, carefree attitude as well.

So, I'm wondering, how do you guys keep those giddy, awesome feelings going in your relationships (dating or not!)?

*please insert a big, loud, male voice saying "doomed"

Why is it all about the Wives?

So, husband and I spent a lot of time at our library on Sunday (can we say, free AC?). And, I wanted to check out the book, The Commitment by Dan Savage because of this which I won't be a part of physically, but I can definitely read the book and create my own thoughts.

Now, his book is non-fiction marriage so it's labeled 306, which is conveniently by all the other marriage/couple self help books.

WHICH ARE ALL FOR WOMEN.

Alright, alright. That's a bit of a hyperbole. There was one for men.

This doesn't necessarily surprise me, I mean, really that's just what it is. But it sure does annoy me. And make me feel all snarky. Because this just implies that men don't care about their relationships/marriages.

And I don't like that. At all. Because I simply don't believe that men don't care. I do believe that men show their concern in different ways. That they are much more quiet about their issues. But I just don't believe they don't care.

I also simply don't believe that, as all the books imply, that "it's the wives fault." Or that they (we) are the only ones which can fix "it." For example, one book I picked up (and checked out) said, "We've [sic: wives] have put our marriages on cruise control, without any real plan as to how to take charge of our relationships again, short of waiting for the kids to grow up."

First, it takes two, count 'em two, people to put a marriage on cruise control. Second, why do *I* need to fix it. Why don't *we* need to fix it?

And finally, why the hell do we not talk about our marriages? I'm completely guilty about it as well, and want to know why.