Damn you, DVR

I have a bone to pick with my DVR. I know there are probably hundreds of blog posts out there about DVR's and the fact that they kind of have a mind of their own. But, it's now my turn.

Our DVR has a mind of it's own. Seriously. And, it's beginning to piss me off.

We came home tonight from a lovely impromptu date night. We went to dinner spending our Groupon and then went and saw Black Swan*. And then, we came home and cozied up to eachother on the couch preparing to watch some good ol' DVR amazingness.

I pulled up the list and noticed something was missing.

Can you see what's missing? Probably not. But, it's 9:30 and Private Practice isn't recording. It should say, "Private Practice" and have a little recording icon next to it. But, that's missing.

Are you kidding me?! Ugh.

Now, I know I'm being ridiculous. I'm really worked up about this which tells me that I need to let go of the television again for a while. But until then, damn you DVR for being wonderful enough that I get hooked to you and then not recording my shows.

*Black Swan: I'm still precessing this movie. It was intense. I mean, wow.

Primetime Rape

I found this article about primetime rape, and it pretty perfectly states my feelings.
 
Last nights episode. KaDee Strickland did a beautiful job of portraying a rape victim*. Beautiful. They showed her having to comfort Coop (her fiancé) at one point and I know from my research that was spot on. They showed Addison trying to be close and then backing away as Charlotte described what happened (granted, Charlotte seemed to be trying to get her to back off, but that's another topic). They showed a re-traumatized Violet. It was beautiful.

I stand by, though, what I've already said. A violent, stranger rape is not the most common form of sexual assault. Mad Men depicting Joan being raped by her fiancé, that's the most common form. Did you know that research tells us that a person most often knows their perpetrator for 6 months? And, a good chunk of men would rape a woman if they knew there would be no consequences? And that's terrifying, I openly admit it, and that's why we shy away from talking about it or depicting it. I also think that it's important  that they are putting the rapist in the light of a "crazy man," thus furthering the stereotype that only crazy people do this.

A final thought: I've been watching the Private Practice fb page, because I've been curious to see what people say.  Most people are judging Charlotte.  No one blames her (ahem, violent stranger rape), but most people are judging her character.  Why didn't she say it was rape? Why isn't she stronger? Why would she comfort Coop? Why would she lie to the cops? Why didn't she report it? Why wouldn't she have a Rape Kit done; it's just like a pap smear."

And that, dear internets, is a fantastic picture of our society and our tendency to question rape victims.

*Victim: I fluctuate between victim and survivor in my work. I have seen victims who are still daily dealing (or not) with and hurting from and deeply affected by their assault.  I have also seen survivors, the people who have stepped to the other side of their assault.  For me, Charlotte is clearly a victim at this point.

Rape on Private Practice

Tonight, Private Practice will be airing an important episode. It's an episode where the strongest female character (in my opinion) is raped.

I don't know how I feel about it.

I'm a sexual assault researcher. I know the rape statistics, I know the narratives. 

I know that we, as a society, shame rape victims/survivors and place almost 100% of the blame on them (e.g., her skirt was too short, she wasn't wearing panties, she was drunk, she was walking alone etc.), and those survivors/victims do the same to themselves (e.g., why didn't I walk with a friend, why did I drink so much etc.).

I also know that the most common rape is an acquaintance/date rape, and it's non-violent. {hello shame and blame}. And that's not what's going to depicted, which just reinforces stereotypes*.

I'm concerned about how all of her friends are going to be depicted. How is her fiancé going to react? Are they going to pity her? Or are they going to be the perfect support system?

Clearly, I have yet to see the episode, so it could be done beautifully. But currently, I'm afraid for what it will just reinforce. 

*By the way, I didn't even bring up the shame and blame that happens when a man {especially a straight man} is assaulted.